Category: On Death

It seems that it’s always a shock when a young person dies. I find a person of any age who dies leaves a wonderment. When Heath Ledger died this week at 28 – it doesn’t really matter how – he was here and now he’s not, it was a shock to many people.

Robert Pirsig is the author of ZEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE. In the Introduction to his book he wrote about the death of his son who was two weeks away from his 23rd birthday when he was murdered in San Francisco in 1979. He wrote about how he dealt with his son’s death. He said that over and over and over he asked the question “Where did he go?” and then he realized that before that question could be answered “What is the ‘he’ that is gone?” must be asked. He asked until finally something answered him.

Although it seems we don’t come into the world with a promise that we’ll be here for any particular amount of time, in our western culture we’re still struck dumb, so to speak, when death happens. Many of the books I read have a way of reminding the reader that death is a part of life and life is a part of death. And they do this in an exquisite way, and the reader becomes comfortable with the idea of death. In many cultures throughout the world people have an understanding that life and death go hand in hand. When Sumi and Toshi visited Bali they got caught up in a street funeral. There was singing and dancing in a happy funeral parade and they were invited to join. If that’s the attitude about death, there are no surprises when it happens.

I’ve been at their bedside when people I love have died. Some died in peace and joy and some struggled til the end. Peace and joy is a choice and watching someone die this way feels right.

‘Impermanence is the universal law.’ – from Swami Bashkarananda to Alexandra David-Neel

“Don’t be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin.” – Grace Hansen

“If I knew I were going to die tomorrow, I’d think, so soon? Still, if a man has spent his life doing what he wanted to do, he ought to be able to say goodbye without regrets.” – Paul Bowles

“It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth – and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up – that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.” – Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

My cousin and friend, a woman I’ve known since our baby teeth began to fall out, died on 24 July 2007. We didn’t get to travel to Italy together as planned, and she didn’t take the trips intended with her children, Caroline and Sean, but what she did do through her pain was to live and enjoy life as long as it was in her power to do so.

My cousin Viv wrote a short piece in a magazine which is distributed free in the city where she lived. She wrote it a few months before she died, and tells about living in the now, embracing and accepting what is, and meditating.

She was sharp as a tack and in touch with her gut, and when she realized that her time on earth was coming to an end, and she couldn’t be on the go as before, she sat in her big comfortable chair in front of a big window and watched the flow of the river and its many changes, and in another area she looked out at the sunsets as never before from the floor to ceiling windows, and in bed she gazed at the moon from the three windows nearby. At those times she lived in the now and meditated on what she saw.

And to say that she was embracing and accepting what is is not to say she sat back and did nothing. That wasn’t her style. She was a powerhouse of doing and she had a will to beat all wills. To buy extra time she did everything that came before her to do. Then when she realized the end was approaching she began eating as much chocolate cake as she wanted for breakfast and dinner.

Toward the end of her life, I noticed how attentively she listened to people and how little she said. She was taking in life. During all this I never once heard her complain about the pain, the trips to all the doctors and the times in the hospital, or about all the medicines. At some point in time she came to an agreement with herself about all the ups and the downs cancer creates, and grace entered.

Oh, how I cried for this cousin of mine after she left us all. But I had to force myself to remember the times she shook a finger my way and said she wanted happy and fun, no sadness when she left. So with her words fresh in my mind I try for the happy and fun. And in her honor, I try for no sadness.

I love you, Viv.

Do you think about death – your own – every so often? Not to be morbid or dampen your day in any way, but, since death is a part of life, to be comfortable with it makes sense. The ancient truths are there to guide us, and now, more than ever before, there are many books on this subject in most bookshops. And that’s great since there are many benefits from getting acquainted with death, and believing and trusting that it’s simply one of the routes we naturally take as part of our journey. Being comfortable with the fact that we’re not here to stay, at least in the same form, in no way subtracts from our present life; it enriches it, and life becomes sweeter when we understand and accept. To realize that it’s a natural part of life, brings new meaning to life. If we’ve given no thought to death, if it takes us by surprise, it can set us back and take awhile for us to get our bearings.

In one of Osho’s books, he’s written that sound is the first sense to enter at birth and the last to leave us at death. When I read that I thought of the times I was at the bedside of someone I loved who was dying. It seemed even though the person was more on the other side than this side, somehow s/he was listening and understanding. My father was in a coma during the last hours before he died. In his room at that time was an older nurse, and when my sister and I arrived. she saw us wondering what we could do for him, and suddenly she said, “Go on talk to him. I’ve been a nurse for many years. I know he’ll hear you.” So we did. On looking back to that time, I sensed she was right. After my father’s death I read LIFE AFTER LIFE by Dr.Raymond Moody. At the time, it was just what I needed. And sometime after I picked up MANY LIVES MANY MASTERS by Dr. Brian Weiss.
www.osho.com
www.lifeafterlife.com
www.brianweiss.com

At my cousin Viv’s apartment in NH, I saw on a bookshelf, LIFE AFTER DEATH THE BURDEN OF PROOF by Deepak Chopra. In this book he touches upon things he learned growing up in India. Dr. Chopra writes, “The soul’s trajectory is always upward. Any suffering on the astral plane, even the most tormenting hell, is only a temporary detour. . . . and he says, “. . . that reminds me of what we can choose to bring to dying. Grace, calm, a patient acceptance of what’s to come: These are all qualities that can be cultivated, and when they are, death is a test we will not fail. Our fault is not that we fear death but that we don’t respect it as a miracle.” And also, “Right here and now we are surrounded by an infinity of planes. If you could shift your awareness into a higher frequency, you could be with the angels this very minute, . . . .” www.chopra.com

Michael Roll: The Scientific and Rationalist Case for Life after Death, has some very interesting things to say in a video on the website www.rense.com. www.cfpf.org.uk

There are numerous excellent books about death on the shelves of all those bookshops. Which one would call to you should you go looking?

“Impermanence is the universal law.” -Swami Bashkarananda to Alexandra David-Neel
www.alexandra-david-neel.org

“Make the universe your companion, always bearing in mind the true nature of all creation-mountains and rivers, trees and grasses, and humankind. . . .” Matsuo Basho, poet-pilgrim 17th century

A long line of people waited patiently to enter the funeral parlor to say a last goodbye to a man who died two weeks ago. This man was a husband, father, grandfather, friend to many, and a photographer in this lifetime. I met him only a few times. From time to time, through the years, I’d heard about him from mutual acquaintances when I visited the town where he lived. His work took him to many places. He knew many people and belonged to many organizations for his community and his work.

When his son spoke at the mass for his father, he spoke about the man his father was, but mostly he spoke about the way he died. He had leukemia, and was supposed to live three months. He fooled the doctor and stayed for another two years. His son said during that time, “We laughed, cried, played and prayed intermittingly.”

He was prepared for death. How many people can say that? Preparing for our own death brings many benefits. It doesn’t mean we have to stop living. Not at all. It doesn’t have to be morbid. Death is a fact of life; to be comfortable with it makes perfect sense.

Plans were made for him and his family to take a cruise a few months ago. You can see from this that he lived until he died. However, the cruise was not meant to be.

Shortly before his father died, the son said, “. . . He called those closest to him around his bed. He said goodbye to each one of us individually, and told us what we meant to him. This was not the first time he told his family of his love but some how he knew that this was the last time. It was his final gift to us. He told us that he was ‘going home’ tomorrow and that he wanted to make sure he said goodbye to us one last time.”

When a copy of the son’s eulogy was forwarded to me, it was a joy to read. In the email the son said that “One of his father’s favorite sayings was ‘The magic is in the moment.’

His name was Lucien J. Michaud. He was dad to Judy and Norman, Pep to his grandchildren and great grandchildren, and Mitch to other family members and friends. He died at 90 on 28 February 2006-well-loved. He had beautiful twinkling blue eyes. He gave the most wonderful bear hugs. He was a tall man, and a strong man with a delightful French Canadian accent. He loved to sing. Long ago he was in a band. Perhaps some people are not meant to take their talent public. Instead they entertain groups of family and friends. He could liven up any room with his voice, and he did-with all his heart.

He was a manager of J.F. McElwain Shoe Co. working for 43 years in one of the mills that lined the banks of the Amoskeag River in Manchester, NH. It was a time when many French Canadians left Canada to settle in New England. A book was written about those mills. He enjoyed reading that book. He was a cross country skier, mechanic, belonged to a snowmobile club and chopped wood. For many, chopping wood is part of life in NH. He chopped wood for family and friends until last year. Germaine was his wife for 68 years. It was a good marriage. The love and memories from that marriage will be cherished and passed on for many years to come.

“The best portions of a good man’s life,
His little, nameless, unremembered acts,
Of Kindness and love.” -William Wordsworth

“Four centuries have passed since Saint Teresa of Avila, the great Spanish mystic and reformer, committed to writing the experiences which brought her to the highest degree of sanctity in the Catholic Church. Near the end of her life, she wrote, ” ‘The feeling remains that God is on the journey, too.’ ” -P.M.H. Atwater, Lh.D. Future Memory: How Those Who “See the Future” Shed New Light on the Workings of the Human Mind

“He Alone is great who turns the voice of the wind into a song made sweeter by his own loving.” -Kahil Gibran

“Let us be kinder to one another.” -Aldous Huxley, on his deathbed

“We can think of no better symbol of man’s earthly life than that of the seed planted in the darkness of the earth in order that it may grow into the perfect flower. The perfect flower, the archetypal flower, is created first in the mind of God, and then the seed is planted in the earth to grow to fullness. So is it with you, who are as seeds planted in physical form to grow towards the light until you become perfect sons and daughters of God-the perfect archetypal God-man which God held in His mind in the beginning.” -White Eagle, Spiritual Unfoldment 1: How to Discover the Invisible Worlds and Find the Source of Healing

” We are above the skies and more than angels. . .
Although we have descended here, let us speed back
what place is this?” -Rumi