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regina brett’s 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on. . .

Regina Brett’s 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on
by Regina Brett
Sunday May 28, 2006, 10:13 AM
To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here’s an update:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative – dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

To reach this Plain Dealer columnist:

rbrett@plaind.com, 216-999-6328

www.reginabrett.com

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sun and rain and being busy

Some magazine articles, movies, tv programs, books, experts, DVDs, tell us we need to multitask if we want to get ahead, become successful, have the right friends, be respected, and, of course, have a lot of money in the process. We’ll be happy, we’re told, living the way of constant doing and striving. However, if we don’t question that idea, we’ll also be burdened by our fragmented thoughts, and an inability to slow down. And when an opportunity comes to have an evening of aloneness – even when the aloneness doesn’t mean lonely, just a chance to catch up with other parts of ourselves – we feel pressured to make plans. We tell ourselves that we shouldn’t be alone for an evening, a day, a weekend, – we should be out doing.

If all that busyness was working, why are there so many depressed people, people on the verge of suicide stopped only by prescription drugs, or lifted up only by prescription drugs, so many people unable to sleep, so many sick people, so many people just plain unhappy because they’re not doing what they enjoy? It’s a fair question to ask, isn’t it?

Today is a rainy day; lately there have been complaints about the rain. The sun is teasing us – it’s sunny, then it’s not. Spirits are dampened; maybe weekend plans have to be changed. But rainy days are wonderful, too. Rain has a way of slowing things. It can change a day of rushing to a more mellow one, and that means we’re less stressed. We don’t need to change our plans, just our mind set, and then getting rained on at the beach becomes fun. Staying indoors on a beautiful sunny day is a little difficult; the sun seems to say come out and play. Rain, however, says, you can go out if you want, but you can also stay in. Don’t worry, you’ll be busy, but it’ll be a different kind of busyness; you’ll be busy being still – just for a little while.

I used to feel that practicing Qi Gong with Matthew Cohen’s Fire and Water DVD was an imposition. Then there came a time when I realized the benefits were outweighing any imposition felt, and that every time I practiced, I learned something new -maybe more insight about the way of a particular movement, or of a word not heard before that brought new meaning to not only Qi Gong, but life in general. Now practicing the once difficult empty stance is a pleasure, and Qi Gong is not an imposition. The empty stance is “full of emptiness” Matthew Cohen says. And slowly an understanding that the busyness of being still – of being empty – has its own rewards.

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cell phones in public places

I can be exasperating when it comes to technology, and for me that means anything beyond a paper and pen. I know that. The truth is, I don’t care – not that I don’t care about technology, no, no, I don’t care about being exasperating sometimes. For instance, do we always have to answer the cell phone? – Perhaps no, unless it’s an important call. I feel that answering a call when you’re out with someone is a slap in the face to the someone you’re with, and also it’s an exercise in patience for anybody in a public place forced to listen. Sometimes a call is urgent. Urgent, however, means different things to different people. Cell phone users are often amusing though, and can become entertainers of sorts – the motions, facial expressions, and tone of voice, could easily be part of a comedy show. So, I’ll just say this, thanks for the laughs. And, if I’ve made you laugh when taking an “urgent” call in a public place, you’re welcome – for the entertainment 🙂

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david carradine

Thank you David Carradine for all the terrific entertainment you provided in the Kung Fu movies which I very much enjoyed watching,

Now, at this time of your passing, hopefully, people the world over will keep in mind that only your family and friends need know how you died. As for the rest of us, it’s none of our business. All indications suggest that you were well-loved and that you loved well.

Go in peace.

www.david-carradine.com

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osho, st. francis of assisi, and. . .

I have a DVD called Love And Hate Two Sides of the Same Coin, in which Osho talks about awareness, and of “Never judging anybody by his act.” and to, “Try to find out his awareness. Otherwise, don’t judge at all.” During the entire time of the DVD the camera rests on Osho’s calm face, his steady, clear eyes, and his hands which move slowly and gracefully when he speaks. The DVD was inside of a book I’d bought a few years ago, and read with mild interest. Now with the rereading of it, along with watching and listening to the DVD, I see flashes of The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle in Osho’s words. The power of now, awareness, consciousness – what would the world be like were we all to put them to use?

I didn’t know until this week that the Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi was written in his honor during World War I. Did you? The movie, Reluctant Saint – Francis of Assisi, is based on the biography by Donald Spoto, and makes all other movies about St. Francis look like fiction. In an interview, Donald Spoto said that “He’s one of the most misunderstood people in the history of organized religion.” I think he knows what he’s talking about since he says, “I’m a theologian by training. I did a Doctorate in theology with a concentration in New Testament studies, and the primary work as a teacher that I did for many years was as a professor of religious studies of scripture, of Biblical literature and languages, and Christian mysticism.” With this background, it would seem that if anyone can tell the true story of St. Francis it’s Donald Spoto. He’s also written seventeen other books on “the lives of enormously creative and important artists, such as, Alfred Hitchcock, and Tennessee Williams, and great actors like Laurence Olivier and Ingrid Bergman, and a great American woman, Jacqueline Kennedy Onasis.”

Maybe you’re looking for some great books for summer reading? Maybe you’ve found some?

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www.osho.com
www.hitchcock.tv
www.laurenceolivier.com
www.ingridbergman.com
www.tennesseewilliams.net

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new york open center

The New York Open Center has been in the Soho area of NYC for 25 years, and for anyone walking miles of blocks, and tending to all sorts of things in that area, the meditation room and small bookstore is a nice respite. It’ll be different now because they’re heading on up and moving to 22 East 30th Street. The Spring/Summer Programs 2009 of the New York Center’s easy-to-read, and not jammed- packed catalog, says they’re: “NEW YORK’S LEADING CENTER OF HOLISTIC LEARNING & WORLD CULTURE.” I used to consider the Center a gift to New York because when it was founded there wasn’t a whole lot of holistic anything going on in the form of classes in the NYC area.

I called the administrative office for a catalog two weeks ago, and the informative person answering the phone mentioned that she’d taken the Bollywood Dancing course. The “Bollywood Dancing course”, hmm! – I thought, that course would definitely go on the slightly stepping out of the comfort zone list.

Now with the catalog in hand and late evening descending, I got to thinking about the courses offered, and the reasons people register for them. A few could be: enjoyment, learning, wanting a challenge, accompanying someone, meeting people, meeting people having similar interests, and stepping out of a comfort zone. I peruse the catalog once more wondering: 1) which course would take me out of my comfort zone. 2) which course would be completely different from anything I’d taken before. 3) which course do I think I have no interest in pursuing, but, in pursuing it, find it wholly interesting.

There are different ways of stepping out of our comfort zone, and I wonder if registering for a class is one of them. In the past, I imagined that stepping out . . . would entail leaving who we think we are, and the things allowing us to believe in who we think we are, for an unknown experience. Now I ask, does that have to mean leaving our physical surroundings?

By now it’s impossible to think of sleeping as I’ve all these questions to answer, and I’m doing all the work since I’m the one asking and answering, and it’s getting tricky. That’s okay, along the way I’ll feign boredom and mind will leave me alone. 🙂

Have a beautiful day.

www.opencenter.org

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eknath easwaran

I’ve been thinking and reading about meditation for awhile, and now and then, dabbling. I guess that’s the right word since I’ve not yet become an every day meditator. Then last month, I found a teacher in a thin book squeezed into a very narrow space on a shelf with many larger books overshadowing it. I don’t know why, but whenever I see a small book trying to hold its own with the big ones, I make every effort to release it. As it turned out the little book titled, Your Life Is Your Mesage by Eknath Easwaran is a gem. On the back cover Barbra Streisand wrote, “Your Life Is Your Message is about changing the world by changing ourselves.” And Marvin Hamlisch wrote, “I still can’t believe how much wisdom is packed into these slender pages. This isn’t just a book; it’s a friend.” I think that about sums it up.

Eknath Easwaran founded the Blue Mountain Center of Meditation in Tomales, California. I have the feeling from reading his words, that if anyone can lead another to the path of meditation, he can. I’d never heard of him before rescuing “Your Life Is Your Message” from its tight spot on a book shelf. Then recently, while walking on a clear, cool day, I noticed a used bookshop having a sale. A lot of people were on the sidewalk peering across long tables of books. I joined them, and found The Devil and Miss Prym by Paulo Coelho, and The Vagabond by Colette for a song and a dance. Then I went inside the shop, and something caught my eye. Yes! -MEDITATION by Eknath Easwaran was calling me. I took it from the shelf; there was no doubt in my mind that it belonged with me. On the back cover Henri Nouwen wrote, “This book has helped me a great deal.” And Huston Smith wrote, “No extravagant claims, no pretentious jargon. Just a clear, insightful exposition of meditation, and an excellent guide to its practice.” I think so, too.

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www.easwaran.org
www.barbrastreisand.com
www.marvinhamlisch.com
www.henrinouwen.org
www.hustonsmith.org

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tama kieves

I subscribe to Tama Kieves eletters, and this week under Tama’s Musings she wrote about “Mothering Ourselves: Nurturing Yourself, Your Dreams, and the World.” She writes at her soul level, and she shows no hesitation in sharing the person she was, the person she is, and the person she’s becoming.

I imagine that to be on a cruise with her, and the other spiritual teachers joining her, would be a gift one could call “Mothering Ourselves.”
www.tamakieves.com

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every so often and once in awhile

Every so often and once in awhile are two delightfully mysterious and playful expressions. Mysterious because they say very little, and playful because they hint of wanting to casually hold back in being too specific. It’s a rather useful ploy when one’s not ready to answer, or when an iffy answer suffices. I wonder how these string of words manage to get accepted at face value, suggesting a listener actually knows what’s meant when a question is answered with one, or the other of these two idioms. It’s amusing when you think about it. For instance, someone asks: “Do you cook for your family?” and you reply, “Every so often.” What exactly does that mean – once a year, every other month, only on weekends? The questioner is still in the dark with no real answer forthcoming (because you’re on to a different subject), and the fact that take-out is on the agenda most days is yours to divulge, or not. The one who first strung these words together was: 1) very clever, 2) in a tight spot, 3) didn’t like to commit, or 4) a fast thinker. They allow for easy answering of some ticklish questions. Clever, indeed.

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happy parenting day

It’s easy to believe that being a loving, caring, happy, and somewhat peaceful parent in the year 2009 has its own worst list of fears, uncertainities, anxieties, perplexities – more so than other decades. I’ve said I wouldn’t want to raise a child in today’s world. On second thought, no matter the decade it’s always been challenging and exciting, and although the techie age has somewhat replaced playing hopscotch, jumping rope, happily eating a fudgicle while doing somersaults, etc., the same value system is always there to be tapped.

There have been a lot of changes since my children went through childhood, but the time-honored way of parenting with love, intuition, common sense, soul searching, innate intelligence, observation, communication, enjoyment, trust, sense of humor, and knowing when to let go, are still alive and kicking.

My children were raised in Manhattan, and it was there that I noticed the many hair-raising ways people have of bringing up their children. Some didn’t believe in any discipline – not even a slight reprimand when it was called for, – kicking, hitting, and screaming at mom and dad were accepted; others gave their children credit cards to do whatever, to buy whatever, before their children understood the basics of life; one couple bought an apartment next door for their two children who were below high school age so that their before-children lifestyle could be continued; children were left with sitters who watched tv all day long, or regularly socialized with friends instead of being attentive to the children; there were children having easy access to their parents’ “adult toys”; parents vacationing and leaving children with less than the best; it’s a long and interesting list, and is exciting reading in a novel, but leaves food for thought in real life. I noticed also that people are remarkably resilient, and come into the world with their own strengths and talents which have the potential to take them beyond earlier misadventures.

And there were awesome parents who – most of the time – had huge amounts of enthusiasm, fun, and wisdom, and taught their children, other children, and other parents, by their example.

Being a parent means different things to different people. I guess it will always be this way. The world’s parents are not cut from the same cloth. And why would we want it any other way? Perhaps that’s what makes it all challenging, exciting, and having to stretch mind, body, and spirit.

This posting has somehow become about parents, so that’s what it will be – HAPPY PARENTNG DAY TO WOMEN AND MEN WITH CHILDREN IN THEIR CARE. Wherever you are, have a beautiful day.

* * * * *
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. – Khalil Gibran